Computer Logic

THE NEAR FUTURE (maybe its already happened?)...

The US has succeeded in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem.  Military generals and other honchos (never include anyone involved who knows anything) are assembled in front of the new machine and are instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it.  They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question:

ATTACK OR RETREAT?

The computer hums away and then comes up with the answer:

YES!

The generals (and other allowed honchos) look at each other, somewhat stupefied.  Finally they submit a second request to the computer:

Yes WHAT?

Instantly the computer responds:

YES SIR!

Strange Blessings

Three women die together in an accident and go to Heaven.  When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in Heaven ... don't step on the ducks."

So they enter Heaven.  Sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.  It's almost impossible not to step on a duck.  And although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.  St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck.  Along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man.  He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. 

The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, very careful where she steps.  She manages to go months without stepping on any duck.

One day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she ever laid eyes on ... very tall, tan, muscular, and thin.  St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

After St. Peter leaves, the woman remarks," I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all eternity?"  The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."